Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
