Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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