and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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