so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
