Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
