dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
This is my life. Enjoy the view
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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