I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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