If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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