I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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