i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You made out with two different species that night
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
