I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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