Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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