I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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