I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
