We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
