Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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