if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Did I show you my penis last night?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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