I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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