At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
