he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I need a hoe opinion
go on
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
