she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
