also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
