Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
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She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
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Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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