Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
