WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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