who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
