Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
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sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
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I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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