I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
