...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
