After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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