Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
