Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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