I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
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I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
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We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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