Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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