we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
