she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
