Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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