Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
