laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
