Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Someone signed my nipple.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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