she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
