I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
