I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
