Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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