alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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