i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
