You're so nebulous sometimes
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
