i permit you to call me
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
