I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize