Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
