I'm pants shitting drunk right now
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
