Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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