Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
