Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
